Dora the Dumb Explorer Episode 3
by Brianna Fogg
Summary: Dora thinks the apocalypse is coming and she won't be able to fulfill her dreams, so she sets off to try and stop the end. WARNING: not for muscleless wimps. Please read and review!
1. The End of the World, or Doraocalypse

"Hi!" screeched Dora the Little Gay-Ass Explorer from God Knows Where a Nice Smell Like Anal Leakage Is. "I'm Dora!"

"And I'm Boots!" shouted Boots.

"Shut the fuck up, Boots!" Dora screamed, tackling Boots to the ground. "I am the star of the show here!" she whined angrily. "You're not!"

"But I'm the co-star - " Boots started to protest.

"**QUIET!**" barked Dora, grabbing onto Boots' neck with both hands as forcefully as possible.

Boots began to gag and choke as he struggled to take a breath. "Dora...!" he sputtered hoarsely, beginning to turn even bluer than he already was. He tried his best to breathe through his tightened airways, but Dora pinned Boots' chest down with her foot to prevent his lungs from being able to take in a fresh breath of air.

"Listen, Boots!" threatened Dora. "If you _ever _do this shit again, I will make you rue the day you were born." Dora laughed maniacally as the sky darkened and lightning flashed behind her. "Oh, yeah, and I'm also going to murder your baby brother who is still in fetal stages!" she finished in a speedy-casual way as the sky brightened. "Bye."

Dora let go of Boots' neck just as he began to go red in the face, allowing Boots to breathe normally again. As Dora turned to leave, Boots ran after her, asking, "Where are you going?" over and over.

Dora eventually exploded, shouting, "Okay, okay, I'll tell you! So will you please just SHUT THE HELL UP ALREADY?!"

"All right, where are you going?" inquired the footwear-clad chimpanzee.

Steam blew out of Dora's ears. "Okay, I'm going to Jerusalem," she answered after cooling down.

"Who-Salem? Isn't that in Oregon? I'd better go get my coat, 'cause I don't want to catch cold." Boots began to run back to his house to get it.

"I'm going to _Jerusalem_, you idiot son of a dog's mom!" yelled Dora.

That seemed to stop Boots in his tracks. "Did you just call me a bitch, but break it down a little so I wouldn't notice!?"

"Nooo...?" Dora fibbed.

"Oh," said Boots, who was cool with Dora's explanation. He walked back to Dora. "Why are you going to Jerusalem?"

Dora got so angry she wanted to jump and dropkick Boots clear over the trees; instead she sucked it up and sat Boots down on a rock so they could talk about life. "See, Boots, Jerusalem is the capital of a country called Israel." Dora pulled out Map and began to unroll him.

"AHHH! AHHHHH! Stop it! _**STOP**_** _IIITTT!¡!_**" shrieked Map in pure agony.

Dora slapped Map's face hard. "You want me to shove my handgun up your nonexistent left nostril and pull the trigger?" shouted Dora, putting her hand over Map's mouth to shut him up.

"Mmmmrrph!" said the Map.

When Map was completely unrolled, he displayed a map of the Middle East. "As I was saying, north of Israel is a country called Syria."

"Uuuhhhhhhhhh..,,..." mumbled Boots.

"And the Middle East is having a _huge _fight with each other!" Dora raised both her voice and her arms for emphasis. "If we don't do something, the people of Jerusalem will attack Syria and destroy it!"

"Well, can't they rebuild it?" Boots asked, cluelessly.

"You don't get it, you idiot! If Syria is destroyed, then the world blows up, and some dude jumps out of the sky and kidnaps us all to his home in outer space forever!" explained Dora.

But Boots just rolled his eyes. "Dora, you do know that's a made-up story from a book, right?"

"No, it's not!" whined Dora, pulling out a Bible and flipping to the section on end times. "The destroying of Syria has been prophecized for thousands of years! If that prophecy is fulfilled, it signifies the beginning of the end. At the end, an old man in a robe randomly comes when no one is expecting it and takes us away from our beautiful earth."

Boots facepalmed as Dora continued, "I can't let this happen! The new SpongeBob movie comes out in February 2015, and I want to see it!"

"Dora," sighed Boots, "if I come with you to Israel, will you please promise not to say spmething embarrassing to the Israelites and plunge the world into World War III?"

"Well...okay," Dora promised. She turned to the screen. "Do YOU want to help us prevent Syria from coming down?!"

As usual, no answer initially. Finally a young boy in the audience answered quietly, "No."

"Great! Let's go!" Dora squealed overzealously, throwing her hands up into the air with a huge grin on her face. "Come on, ape!" Boots stood as still as a statue, so Dora grabbed him by the ear and began to drag him. "Stupid monkey."


	2. How Checking the Map Can Be Dangerous

"Let's check the Map!"

Dora and Boots were sitting on a tree stump. Dora tried to reach into her backpack to grab the Map. She strained and struggled until she went red in the face. Finally, a drop of sweat rolled down her forehead and she put her arm down. "I give up. Boots, can you get that for me?"

Boots easily plucked the Map from Dora's Backpack and started to unroll him.

"No! Stop! It BURRRNS!" Map hopped out of Boots' hands onto the ground. "Say 'Map', please!" he screamed with bloodshot eyes. "_Pleaaase, __**say**** MaAaAaAaApPpP!¡!¡!**_"

"Map," said Dora and Boots flatly.

Map promptly skyrocketed onto another map in the sky and began bouncing around on it. And that _music _began to play.

"Oh, shit," uttered Dora.

_"If there's a place you've got to go,_

_I'm the one you need to know._

_I'm the Map..."_

Boots' eyelids twitched dangerously.

_"I'm the Map, I'm the Map, if there's a place you've got to get,_

_I can get you there, I bet..."_

Dora pulled out a rifle and began to shoot at random buildings and objects. Boots cocked his gun as well.

_"I'm the Map! I'm the Map, I'm the Map, I'm the Map..."_

**FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER**_  
_

_"I'm the Maaap!"_

By the time Map had finished his song, things had gone crazy-insane-violent. Fighter jets were launching missiles at an army of tanks, which were firing at a burning office skyscraper. Civilians tried to stop the tanks by shooting at them, but, of course, it was no use. Meanwhile, a helicopter got hit with a stray missile and careened out of control, tumbling down and crashing into a nearby mall, causing an explosion. Drivers got distracted by the scene and crashed into the flaming buildings. All the people were screaming and their ears were bleeding from the Map's song, and some people went homicidal, or even suicidal. You never saw or heard such a commotion!

Dora and Boots skydived down from a jet that was on fire and floated down on their parachutes. The unmanned airplaned spun out of control and was headed straight for the Empire State Building.

"Crap!" Boots groaned. "Not again!"

Thankfully, the wind changed the plane's direction and it landed on a crowded beach instead, so don't bash me for making fun of that fateful day, because I'm not.

"So, where do we go to get to Israel?!" asked Dora when they landed. In the background, a fat Spanish man got slapkicked and cracked his skull open upon impact with the ground.

The Map suddenly donned a long beard and a cane, looking like a wise Biblical man. "To get to Israel," he boomed in a deep voice, "you must first pass through the Valley of the Signs of the Times!" On the big map that Map was standing on, a valley lit up and showed a famine going on during an earthquake.

"What are signs of the times?" asked Isa, who had popped out of nowhere suddenly.

"Oh, they're the exact reason why you should avoid the news! They eventually end the universe!" said Map in his regular voice. "Next..." he thundered, "you must go to the _airport _and board a flight to _Israel!_" Once again, he reverted to his normal voice and his beard and cane disappeared. "Now, say it with me: valley, airport, Israel! Valley..."

"Dora, is it alright if I go with you on your Middle East trip?" Isa said to Dora as Map screamed out the obstacles for an ear-bleeding 40,000 times.

"Yes, please!" cried Dora and Boots in unison.

"All right, let's go!" exclaimed Isa. They walked off, leaving Map behind to repeat, "Valley, airport, Israel!" on a continuous loop. He eventually met his fate when a flaming beam from one of the burning buildings fell onto him and he died from brain injury.


End file.
